can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
