I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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