i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
