why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
