drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
