No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
