Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
