my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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