I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
