I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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