he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My dick has a subreddit
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
