I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
