So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
