i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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