Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
