rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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