It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
