I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
