apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
