the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
