He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
