i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize