Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
