Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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