last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
