therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
