There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
