I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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