Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
