Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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