You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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