his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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