Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
