Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
