drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
