I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want to make out with him forever
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
