Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
