i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
