she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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