just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
