a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
