Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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