fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
