Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
