So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
