Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
