get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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