I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
