We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
