I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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