Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my liver is dry heaving
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
