I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
