wanna go halves on a baby?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
