we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
