I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
