I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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