Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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