Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
