1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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