just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
