Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
