It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
