dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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