i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
