I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
