I bet he comes in French.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
