Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
