If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
