Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
