She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
