Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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