Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
