So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
