shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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