where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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