The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
