so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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