remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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