..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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