I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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