I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize