i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
